Numb
by cantbestuffed
Summary: What were Robin's real thoughts about his Apprenticeship with Slade and how does this all connect with a song from Linkin Park


You walked into your room and saw your ipod sitting on the bed. It wasn't there when you left but you rationalised that is was probably Beast Boy or Cyborg trying to hack into the main server or to listen to some of your music, but that would probably be more Raven.

_**I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface  
Don't know what you're expecting of me  
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes**_

You think back to when you were Slade's Apprentice and shudder. You may look unscathed and nonchalant about it but the whole situation had terrified you. To think that you where so easy to manipulate and had some many faults just waiting to be used against you.

_**(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you  
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)**_

You remember how happy you were when the other Titans had blasted through that door, someone has come to save me and how wrong Slade was when he said they all hated him.

_**I've become so numb, I can't feel you there  
Become so tired, so much more aware  
I'm becoming this, all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you**_

You notice that whenever you fight some of the techniques you learnt during the Apprenticeship have stuck and you notice yourself getting more and more angry with everything, easier then usual.

_**Can't you see that you're smothering me,  
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control?  
'Cause everything that you thought I would be  
Has fallen apart right in front of you.**_

You don't think Slade realised that no matter how hard he tried he couldn't control you. Your a robin, born and breed, you were made to fly.

_**(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you.  
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)  
And every second I waste is more than I can take.  
**_

You remember during the Apprenticeship, how hard it had been to continue fighting, to stay optimistic and hopeful that someone, anyone, would save you._****_

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there,  
Become so tired, so much more aware  
I'm becoming this, all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you.  


You wonder were the happy go-lucky 9 year old kid had went that was the protege of Batman. You find it ironic that in the Gotham, the place that is the epitome of dark and scary, you were a happy reckless kid while in Jump City, the cleanest, nicest place on Earth, you are a angry teenager almost more moody then the Batman._****_

And I know  
I may end up failing too.  
But I know  
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you.

You realise that you probably will fail in your endgame. Everyone does, it's human nature, but what you also realise is that you will keep trying because no matter how hard you fall you will get back up.

_**I've become so numb, I can't feel you there,  
Become so tired, so much more aware.  
I'm becoming this, all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you.  
**_

You're terrified that one day you might become _to _much like him and you're terrified that one day you might cross _that_ line that ever hero fears and runs from._****_

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there.  
(I'm tired of being what you want me to be)  
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there.  
(I'm tired of being what you want me to be) 

You pull out your headphones and put the ipod into your cupboard. That song had brought back so many painful memories that you tried to keep hidden.

You hear Starfire knocking on your door, asking if you wanted to play volleyball or something with the rest of the team and you just think what the hell and agree.

You don't want the rest of the team to know how weak you truly are. Being on a team full of Metas is hard but its even harder when your the leader and they look up to you.


End file.
